How to win and influence friends: 
Making friends as an adult is weird. We have all been there –standing in a room full of people, checking our phones, wondering why small talk feels so awkward. Add remote work and non-stop scrolling into the mix, and it’s no wonder we’re all a bit rusty at the whole human connection thing.
But here’s the catch: Dale Carnegie figured out how to win and influence friends back in 1936, and his advice still works. Perhaps even better now, since most people have forgotten the basics of actually listening and showing actual interest in others. So let’s delve into Carnegie’s creation and see how to make friends and influence people using proven strategies that work in today’s chaotic world.
Techniques in Handling People
If there’s a thing Dale Carnegie nailed in how to win friends and influence people, it’s the idea that people don’t thrive on criticism. They thrive on encouragement. Pointing out flaws only creates defensiveness, while showing patience. And understanding opens the door to real changes.
Another power technique is true appreciation. Not the over-the-top, “you’re amazing at everything” kind, but the simple act of noticing effort and saying thank you in a manner that feels sincere. It builds trust quickly compared to any polished speech ever could.
And finally, Carnegie reminds us that having influence isn’t about pushing your own agenda. The purpose is to find out what other people really want and act accordingly. When people notice that you actually care about their goals, they’re more likely to listen to you, align with you, and respect your perspective.
Top 10 Ways to How to win Friends and Influence People 2025
How to Win Friends and Influence People book doesn’t just give theory, but also gives everyday habits that anyone can use to create stronger, more authentic connections.
If you’re wondering how to win and influence without pretending to be fake, the given principles are a great place to start. Let’s check them all.
1. Show curiosity about others genuinely
People open up when they see someone who truly cares about their story. Ask questions that go far beyond small conversation.
2. Showcase a warm presence
Whether through smile, quick eye contact, or positive vibe, your presence sets the tone for every interaction.
3. Use names carefully
Using someone’s name in conversation is a small gesture, and it shows you’re paying attention and that you genuinely respect them.
4. Become an active listener
Don’t just wait for your turn to speak. No, respond, and encourage people to share more.
5. Find common ground
Have a conversation related to the interests, passions, and life goals that matter to the other person. It creates an instant connection.
6. Many people feel valued
Recognize what people do, even the small efforts. Genuinely show your thanks.
7. Celebrate every win
Whether the success is small or big – a quick well done or a note of encouragement for work or personal progress shows you’re paying attention and you care too.
8. Help others with no expectations
Helping someone, just because you can, is incredibly powerful. Genuine acts of kindness stay with people longer than polite words.
9. Listen to different viewpoints
To build a strong relationship, you don’t need to agree on everything. Respecting someone’s point of view shows maturity and earns their trust.
10. Add positivity into conversations
People naturally like to be with those who bring positive energy. A slight encouragement can go a long way in making you someone others want to connect with.
Win People to Your Way of Thinking
Winning people to your way of thinking is beyond proving others wrong. It’s about creating understanding. As written in the classic “How to Win Friends Dale Carnegie, the real secret to how to win friends and influence others is respect, empathy, and detecting common ground.
1. Focus on understanding, instead of fighting
Most of us jump into arguments thinking we’ll prove a point, but the reality is, arguments rarely end with anyone feeling convinced. Instead, they leave both sides suspicious and frustrated.
Stepping back and finding common ground could be better. When you start listening and showing that you value the other person’s perspective, they’re likely to open up to hearing yours.
2. Start in a friendly manner
How you start a conversation typically determines how it will finish. A genuine smile, a kind word, alongside showing interest in the other person, can put him or her at ease instantly.
Starting with a warm tone breaks down barriers and creates an environment where collaboration feels natural, not forced. If you use welcoming tones from the start, as said in How to Win Friends and Influence People by Dale Carnegie, people will be more willing to listen to you, and even open to your ideas.
3. Own your mistakes early
We all make mistakes sometimes, after all, it’s part of being human. The actual test is how quickly and openly we accept it. When you admit a mistake without making an excuse, you not only reduce stress but also earn respect.
People trust people more who have the guts to admit their mistakes than those who try to hide them. Early confessing shows honesty, humility, and a willingness to move forward, plus it leaves a lasting impression.
4. Show genuine appreciation
Who doesn’t want to feel valued – everyone, for sure. A simple “thank you” or a sincere compliment can mean more than you realize. When recognition is authentic (not forced or generic), it lifts people and pushes them to keep giving their best.
This is one of the important lessons in how to influence people: true appreciation strengthens connections and fosters trust. Exclusively in a remote or hybrid role, where efforts can easily go unnoticed, taking the time to acknowledge someone’s contribution offers a lasting difference.
5. Don’t make people look stupid
If someone screws up, find a way to address it without making them the punching bag. Pull them aside, ask questions that guide them to the answer, or better yet – share a time you made a similar mistake. When you learn how to make friends and influence people, you realize that protecting someone’s dignity gets you way further than public humiliation.
6. Never tell someone they’re wrong (even if they are)
This one’s tough, as sometimes people are absolutely wrong. But the moment you say “you’re wrong”, their brain may shut down and go into defence mode. Try “That’s interesting, I saw it differently”, or “Help me understand your thinking”. You’ll be surprised how much more open people become when they don’t feel attacked.
7. Talk about what people actually care about
You know those people who only talk about themselves? Don’t be that person. When you’re trying to win friends and influence people in any situation, flip the script. Ask about their weekend hiking trip, their kid’s soccer game, or that project they’re excited about. People light up when you remember what actually matters to them. It’s not that tough, though. We all want to feel like someone gives a damn about our interests.
8. Notice when people do good things
When someone does something well, even something small, they actually say something about it. A simple “good job on that” or I really liked how you handled that” costs you absolutely nothing but can make someone’s whole day better. Also, they’ll want to keep doing things that get attention and praise.
9. Try to understand their side
This isn’t about agreeing with everyone. It’s about genuinely trying to understand why they think what they think. Before you act or start arguing, step back and consider their perspective. When you try to see where someone’s coming from, conversations become way less frustrating and even more productive.
10. Tell people they’re good at stuff
Give people a good reputation to live up to, as said in the book How to Win and Influence Friends. Say things like “you’re really great with people” or “you have a real talent for this kind of thing”. It’s amazing how people tend to live up to whatever reputation you give them, so why not make it a positive one?
Be a Leader: How to Change People Without Giving Offense or Arousing Resentment
- Start with positive feedback before anything else.
- Point out mistakes gently without being blunt
- Share your own slip-ups before highlighting others’.
- Help others maintain dignity, even when they’re wrong.
- Turn instructions into questions to invite cooperation.
- Celebrate even the smallest progress.
- Encourage often, make challenges feel & look simple.
- Given them a strong reputation to aspire to.
- Frame tasks in a manner that makes them want to say yes.
These evergreen strategies are at the core of how to win friends and influence people.
Conclusion
Even in today’s tech-driven, remote world, these evergreen ideas are still effective. They tell us that real influence comes from respect, empathy, and a human bond. These are the kind of things that no screen can replace. Whether leading a team, networking, or simply improving personal bonds, applying these principles in real life can transform the way people respond to you. Do you want to explore more? Get your copy of How to Win Friends and Influence People PDF here and start applying these lessons in practice today.
FAQs
- Does Dale Carnegie’s advice still work in the modern era?
Yes, because they tap into basic human psychology that hasn’t changed ever.
- How to apply these principles to social media?
Comment meaningfully on others’ posts, celebrate their wins publicly, and carry forward conversations offline when possible.
- Is there a How to Win Friends and Influence People free PDF available online?
While free PDFs exist online, it’s good to get legitimate copies from physical bookstores, libraries, or official platforms.
- What’s the major mistake people make when trying to influence others?
Focusing on what they want instead of what other people want. Real influence refers to helping others see how your suggestion benefits them, not manipulating them.
- How do I follow these skills without seeming fake?
Begin with genuine interest and care. Leverage these tactics with people you actually like first, where good intentions come naturally, and then expand from there.
